Our Story

The Sam and Aaron Story

It was a dark and stormy night.....

No, not really...more like 1:00 am on a Tuesday.

I was nineteen and bored, so I decided to call my best friend and annoy her while she worked third shift in the local 7-11. As we babbled on about this and that, her phone was snatched away and a male voice came on the line insisting he is the manager and his employees are not allowed to take personal calls at work. Well, I happened to know the manager was a woman...so I proceeded to tell him exactly where he could shove his fake managerial skills! He laughed and gave the phone back to my friend...and that was how I met my future husband.

We became the best of friends quickly, and the day he stopped on the side of the road on his way home from work to pick orange blossoms and bring them to me because I had never smelled them...I knew he was something special.

Soon after we were dating, and from the very beginning I knew that he was the one for me. Luckily for me, he felt the same way...

And on March 31, 2006, we said "I Do."

We knew from the start we wanted children...and on July 13, 2007 we welcomed Dillon Michael into the world. Dillon, now almost eight, has grown into a sweet, caring, sensitive young man with an amazing heart for God.

As we adjusted to "family life", I became more aware of a part of me that no matter how happy I felt, still seemed empty somehow. I distinctly remember looking into my little Dill Bug's eyes during one of many 2:00 am feedings and realizing that there was no way a simple mash-up of genetics was responsible for creating this beautiful unique soul I held in my arms. I began to pray (as best as I knew how) for whatever God was "up there" to show me what to do next. So began my own spiritual journey and in February of 2008, I made the best decision of my life and accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.

On June 27, 2011 we welcomed Nathan Aaron into our little family. Nathan seemed determined to be a "big boy" from birth, and is now a brilliant, beautiful (but stubborn) little tank! 

We felt blessed beyond compare...we had an amazing marriage, beautiful children, great family, and a wonderful church family as well. When Nathan was only nine months old, we were pleasantly surprised to learn we were expecting again. To be perfectly honest, the idea of having two babies so close together was a little terrifying, but we were also so excited. Coming from a family with three children, I felt like this baby would "complete" our family.

At my very first ultrasound, the doctors discovered what they called a little "bubble" at the base of the umbilical cord. They told me that this could happen at this stage of development, but wanted to keep an eye on it to be sure it went away.

As the pregnancy progressed, the bubble, later named an omphalocele, did not resolve itself. We went to a high risk pregnancy specialist, who told us that part of the baby's intestines were inside of this bubble that was outside of his body. Also, it seemed like there were some so-called "plumbing problems" with our baby's airway that may need to be surgically resolved after birth. Together with a surgeon, we came up with a plan of treatment. Doctors expected that our baby would probably remain in the hospital for about six weeks after birth in order to repair the omphalocele. We also were blessed to learn that we were expecting ANOTHER BOY!! After MUCH deliberation, we chose the name Ryan Joseph for our third son. Even in the midst of the medical uncertainties, we excitedly prepared for our new addition. Every night Aaron and I lay in bed and prayed over our precious boy, and I was filled with peace. I KNEW that it was all going to work out all right.

On December 15, five weeks before my due date, I began having contractions. I went in to the hospital, and as they monitored the baby, the doctors grew concerned at the way his heart rate was reacting to the contractions. After a few days of observation, they decided to deliver Ryan early due to concerns that his heart could stop. On December 17, 2012, beautiful Ryan Joseph was born.

As planned, Ryan was immediately whisked away to be evaluated. He was put on a respirator and a surgery was scheduled to repair the omphalocele. As afraid as we were, I still held on to the confidence that God's hand was on our little boy and he would be ok.

A few days later, Ryan went in for surgery. Afterwards, the surgeon informed us that the omphalocele repair had gone perfectly, but the airway problems were much bigger than they had anticipated. Ryan's trachea and esophagus did not separate into two individual tubes as is normal in development...instead they remained fused together in one large tube that led to both his lungs and his stomach. This was an incredibly rare occurrence with a very low survival rate. The next days passed in a complete blur of meetings with doctors and standing next to Ryan's bed in the NICU and praying over him. Even as specialists told us that our son was not expected to live, I didn't receive it. I KNEW God was going to save my boy.

 We transferred to a new hospital with the best technology in Florida, and assembled a surgical team who planned to attempt to separate the two tubes. On December 28, 2012, we kissed our little one and settled in for what we were told would be a long wait. Less than thirty minutes later, the surgical team returned. We were ushered into a side room and informed that there was not enough tissue to work with to separate the tubes...that there was nothing they could do for our beautiful boy. Stunned...devastated...we returned to the NICU where our family waited to tell them the news. That night, surrounded by our pastor, dearest friends and family, we said goodbye to our beloved Ryan Joseph. Aaron held him in his arms and sang to him as he slipped away, and I held his hands and watched in disbelief as life left my baby. The pain was indescribable...and the feeling that God had abandoned me in my hour of need dominated my thoughts.

Over two years have passed, and I still have no answers as to why my little one was called home so quickly. Not a day goes by that I don't think about Ryan and imagine what life would be like if he were here. On what would have been Ryan's first birthday, we planted an orange tree in our front yard in memory of our precious boy. Our sweet Dillon ties homemade Christmas cards to balloons and sends them to Heaven for Ryan each year on his birthday as well. 

I have struggled with a deep depression, and wrestled with feelings of rejection and abandonment. Through counseling and the love and support of amazing family and friends, I started to put the pieces of myself back together.

After a long period of silence on my part, I began to speak to God again...and in all honesty some of the things I said were not particularly nice! I was hurt, and I am so thankful to have a God who is big enough to handle that. I remember sitting under a beautiful oak tree in a moment of prayer and a gentle breeze came through and I literally felt the arms of God around me and heard a whisper in my heart that said "I didn't forget about you." That is the moment I hold on to when the darkness threatens to engulf me again. I have now gotten to a place where I can embrace the blessings of  every day...even if they are found under the boogers, bugs, and who knows what else we encounter as part of life with two little boys!

"So why blog? What's the point?"

Well...to be perfectly honest I have resisted God's call on my heart to share my story for over a year. The passage you just read is the first time I have EVER told that story beginning to end. Romans 8:28 tells us that ALL things work together for good for those that love God and are called according to His purpose. I now accept that although I will never understand or comprehend the reasons that my little one did not get to stay with me, I can take comfort in knowing that God can use my story for the good of others and for His glory. My prayer as I write this is that it will reach someone else who may be going through a dark and desperate time and touch their heart. Please know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! My hope for this blog is that you will accompany my family and I on our journey through life with our two wild and crazy boys - the joys and the heartaches, the mundane every day stuff to the life-changing moments, and that God would use our family to strengthen and encourage someone else along the way.