Family Update 05.04.2015

Since my last post, I have been walking around halfway in a daze...which some would say is not a new thing for me =).I have honestly been going through my days thinking: "What will I write about?" or "Would anyone care to read about this?" and finally, "Nope...can't write about that, makes my family sound like a bunch of loony toons!" Well, by the end of this past weekend, God grabbed a hold of my heart and my rampaging thoughts and said, "No no, you are not in charge here.This is what I want you to share."  So, if you have a spare moment, come with me as I share the journey of the last week or so...

Our week started out with a great worship service followed by a somewhat quiet afternoon at home. Dillon started saying he didn't feel well in the afternoon, so we got both boys into bed early to rest.

Monday morning, Dill still didn't feel well, so he stayed home from school. Upon closer inspection, Dr. Mom concluded that the issues were allergy based, resulting in a pretty gnarly sinus headache. The treatment plan included rest for the afflicted child while the medical staff tried desperately to keep the small fry quiet!

By Tuesday, Dill felt well enough to go back to school...

Nathan and I met up with my dear friend Kim for her celebratory birthday breakfast and then headed off for grocery shopping. I try to make sure I'm getting the best deals in town, so that meant there were three stores on my list for that day. With each store, I saw my little Nate's mood deteriorate as we got closer and closer to nap time. By the time we were in the checkout line at our final destination, he was a yelling, screaming, crying Grump-asaurus beyond the capacity for reason. When the ladies at the registers announced that the whole store's computer system had crashed...inside I felt the same as Nate.

Crazy lil man at breakfast

Goofing off while shopping

We survived the grocery store ordeal, and on Wednesday I decided I was going to clean the ENTIRE house. Now...I am not the best housekeeper...and my house can get pretty darn dirty. Nevertheless, I wrote myself an unreasonably long to-do list and got to work. By day's end, I had accomplished a good amount. The kitchen practically sparkled, the main living areas were straightened up and the DVD's were finally organized! But since I still had four or five more things left unfinished on my list, so to me the day felt like a failure.

On Thursday, I felt so defeated that we didn't do much at all...Nate didn't mind the opportunity to binge watch Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood on Netflix. Friday we met up with Kim again, this time to to get things in order for our church's Open House Luncheon that Sunday. In our travels, we decided to stop by the new Trader Joe's, since I hadn't yet made it over there and Kim thought that was just not right. That was definitely an experience...we encountered some really cool stuff and friendly employees...and the RUDEST CUSTOMERS I have ever seen! They acted like I was absolute pond scum for having the audacity to bring my child! News flash people: if you are in a store with kiddie shopping carts...YOU SHOULD EXPECT TO ENCOUNTER A CHILD!!! Just sayin. 

Friday night, Kim, Jen and I snuck away for a girls night! We enjoyed a lovely dinner at Chili's and went to see Do You Believe? Everyone needs to see that movie...the entire theatre was moved to tears. It was an amazing, challenging, beautiful movie.

Saturday was a fun but CRAZY day for us! It was our first attempt at attending two birthday parties in one day! Both were outside parties with swarms of kids running all over playgrounds and splash parks in the Florida sun. Thankfully it was not terribly hot, and we made it through both parties with only a couple of meltdowns.

The only pic I could get Dill to stay still long enough to take!

Seriously, I could lose my mind over the cute!

Ok now we have come to the part that I honestly did not want to write about...but I promised authenticity...so here we go. Over and over again throughout the week, I was confronted with my most persistent and damaging sin: anger. I have struggled with anger my entire life. I was raised in a household that was full of chaos, and screaming matches and hurtful, damaging words were an everyday occurrence. When I went out on my own, I swore that I would NEVER recreate that environment for my future family. When I met my wonderful husband, I figured I was all set. Aaron is such a calm and gentle spirit that I relied on his influence to calm my wild temper. That worked ok...up until we had children...and life got busy...and Aaron and I started working together...and then KABLOOOEY! I have become a short fused crazy woman who can fly off the handle for practically no reason! In so many situations this past week I can look back and see how things could have been so much simpler if I had simply paused a moment before reacting in anger. By Saturday night, I felt like it was simply hopeless; I am just awful parent who doesn't deserve the boys I've been blessed with.

And then I went to church on Sunday...
It was a crazy morning, since I was volunteering for open house we had to go to early service..which meant whining kids, dragging feet, lost shoes...and I blew my top before we even left the house. Ooops...more guilt, more self shame...no fun.

My heart was such a tangled up mess by the time worship started I thought seriously about running out the door. Then they played a song called "Future/Past", which I believe is by John Mark McMillan. As I listened to the words, I realized that I was going about this whole thing the wrong way. I had always thought that anger was so much a part of me that it couldn't fully be removed...but maybe controlled if I tried hard enough. But as I heard them sing "You are my first, you are my last. You are my future and my past", I realized that my upbringing was no surprise to God, He had been there all along. And more than that, only He had the power to make me free of it! 

The next song was one of my favorites, but it was especially meaningful this time. It is a song by All Sons & Daughters, called "God With Us." I sang out from the bottom of my heart (and top of my lungs) "Our Deliverer, you are Savior. In your presence we find our strength. Over everything, our redemption God with us." Wow...I was nearly in tears by the end of the song...and in hindsight I kind of feel bad for anyone who was afflicted by my singing!

The message that followed may as well have been written just for me. Our pastor talked about how Jesus knows and sees our needs LONG before we see them or articulate them, and He has the power to take the broken pieces and transform them into something AMAZING! I realized I had been holding back that part of me because I felt like it was too broken. Sunday was God getting my attention in a not so subtle way and letting me know I needed to give that up to Him as well. 

As I sit here Monday afternoon, I am not going to lie and tell you that I am magically cured and sitting on rainbows and unicorns. I've reacted badly a few times, but stopped and corrected myself a few times too. The big difference now is that I no longer feel alone. I have the God of Angel Armies on my side! And no matter what you may be struggling with today, if you ask Him, the same God that created the universe is there for you too! How cool is that??